BPS Core Textbooks Series

Developed in collaboration with the British Psychological Society

Chapter 31 – Ghost Stories: Romantic Love from Courtship to Situationship

Chapter Summary

This chapter explores how the psychology of romantic love has changed from the age of long-term commitment to the fluid uncertainties of hookup culture. Anchored in Zygmunt Bauman’s concepts of solid and liquid modernity, the chapter critically examines how love has transformed alongside broader social, economic, and technological shifts. Through the lens of the charismatic Reddit anecdote of a ‘ghosted’ dater, the chapter opens a conversation about how intimacy is now increasingly shaped by apps, feeds, and disappearing messages.

Tracing the history of love in psychology from early evolutionary and anthropological accounts to contemporary theories of attachment and affect, the chapter highlights key figures in the study of romantic love. The critical thinking tool of ‘solid and liquid modernity’ helps students assess epistemological and ontological shifts in the study of love, from stable binaries to proliferating fluidities. The chapter also foregrounds the power relations embedded in new romantic norms, especially those that govern availability, rejection, and self-presentation in the digital age.

Chapter 31 – Quiz

  • Chapter 31 – Key Readings

    Alparone, D., Pozzetti, R., & Rizzo, A. (2024). Sexuality in the digital world: Treatment of a case of dating app addiction. Theory & Psychology, 34(5), 630-645. https://doi.org/10.1177/09593543241268499 

    Bauman, Z. (2003). Liquid love: On the frailty of human bonds. Polity Press. 

    Belli, S., Harré, R. & íñiguez, L. (2010). What is love? Discourse about emotions in social sciences. Human Affairs, 20(3), 249-270. https://doi.org/10.2478/v10023-010-0026-8 

    Burge. (2018). The rough guide to love: Romance, history and sexualization in gendered relationship advice. Journal of Gender Studies, 27(6), 649–660. https://doi.org/10.1080/09589236.2017.1287065 

    Chiang, H. H. (2010). Liberating sex, knowing desire: scientia sexualis and epistemic turning points in the history of sexuality. History of the Human Sciences, 23(5), 42-69. https://doi.org/10.1177/0952695110378947 

    Domínguez, G. E., Pujol, J., Motzkau, J. F., & Popper, M. (2017). Suspended transitions and affective orderings: From troubled monogamy to liminal polyamory. Theory & Psychology, 27(2), 183-197. https://doi.org/10.1177/0959354317700289 

    Fisher, K., & Funke, J. (2023). ‘All the progressive forms of life are built up on the attraction of sex’: Development and the social function of the sexual instinct in late 19th- and early 20th-century Western European sexology. History of the Human Sciences, 36(5), 42-67. https://doi.org/10.1177/09526951231208992 

    Garlen, J. C., & Sandlin, J. A. (2017). Happily (n)ever after: the cruel optimism of Disney’s romantic ideal. Feminist Media Studies, 17(6), 957–971. https://doi.org/10.1080/14680777.2017.1338305 

    Guo, M., & Liu, Z. (2025). Hysteria in empathy: Understanding virtual companionship and emotional connection between humans and Al. Theory & Psychology, 35(2), 163-184. https://doi.org/10.1177/09593543251319738 

    Illouz, E. (1997). Consuming the romantic utopia: love and the cultural contradictions of capitalism. University of California Press. 

    Sequeira, R. (2022). The sciences of love: Intimate ‘democracy’ and the eugenic development of the Marathi couple in colonial India. History of the Human Sciences, 36(5), 68-93. https://doi.org/10.1177/09526951221134469 

    Sternberg, R. J., & Sternberg, K. (2024). A RELIC theory of love: The role of interpersonal, intrapersonal, and extrapersonal elements in love. Theory & Psychology, 34(5), 671-698. https://doi.org/10.1177/09593543241270922 

    Thorne, S. R., Hegarty, P., & Hepper, E. G. (2019). Equality in theory: From a heteronormative to an inclusive psychology of romantic love. Theory & Psychology, 29(2), 240-257. https://doi.org/10.1177/0959354319826725 

    Wolkomir, M. (2018). Researching romantic love and multiple partner intimacies: Developing a qualitative research design and tools. SAGE Publications Ltd. 

  • Chapter 31 – Weblinks

    The School of Life – YouTube Channel (Educational Resource)

    https://www.youtube.com/c/theschooloflifetv

    A YouTube channel dedicated to providing engaging animations and lectures on a variety of topics relating to the concepts discussed in the chapter, such as modern love, attachment theories and concepts of emotional intelligence.

    Modern Love – The New York Times (Newspaper Column)

    https://www.nytimes.com/column/modern-love

    This page features the long-running personal essay series exploring love in a variety of modern concepts and manifestations, giving students an opportunity to engage in real-life narratives focused on themes presented in the chapter.

    The Attachment Project

    https://www.attachmentproject.com

    This webpage contains multiple interactive resources and quizzes that students can use to engage with the attachment concepts mentioned in the chapter.

    Reddit – /r/datingoverthirty (Discussion Forum)

    https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty

    This ‘sub-reddit’ focuses on a variety of different discussions and real-world stories posted by users regarding experiences in modern dating, giving students an excellent resource to engage with the lexicon and emotional landscape of liquid love.

    Love me Tinder: Untangling emerging adults’ motivations for using the dating application Tinder – ScienceDirect (Academic Article)

    https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0736585316301216

    An academic article discussing the first study exploring emerging adults’ motivations for using the dating app Tinder, exploring concepts like love, casual sex, ease of communication and more, for students looking to engage further with these topics.

    The History of Human Marriage by Edward Westermarck – Project Gutenberg (Archival Resource)

    https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/59386

    A downloadable version of the 19th century work by Edward Westermarck discussing the origins and development of marriage throughout a variety of anthropological and sociological perspectives, giving students access to an excellent primary resource.

  • Chapter 31 – Flashcards

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  • Chapter 31 – Reflective Questions

    1. What does Zygmunt Bauman mean by ‘liquid modernity’, and how does it help us understand changing patterns in romantic relationships? 
    2. How did early figures like Edward Westermarck and John Bowlby conceptualise love, and in what ways do their theories reflect the ‘solid modern’ mindset? 
    3. What is the significance of the new vocabulary emerging around dating (e.g., ghosting, breadcrumbing, zombied), and what does it suggest about the ontology of contemporary love? 
    4. How do power dynamics manifest in liquid relationships, particularly in digital spaces? 
    5. Can psychology offer a stable theory of love in an unstable world? Or must psychological knowledge evolve with culture?